“I open my body to love’s flow the most when I open with you sexually. Usually my body is something I use – to work, to play, to get things done. But when I feel your body opening to mine, my body remembers love. Your sexual surrender awakens me to a depth of love I rarely feel in my body during any other time of the day. And through entering your heart and body with mine in love’s deepest bliss, I open together with you to God. Your pleasure of surrender blesses my life and opens me in ways that feel new and deeper every time we make love.”
– Dear Lover by David Deida
(Note – this post is definitely rated R, so if you are my parent or if you aren’t old enough to learn about orgasms – check out this page instead!)
“Why is talking about sex so taboo?” is the first question that comes to mind. Maybe it’s because I was brought up in a religious home, where my parents handed me a book about sex rather than talking to me about it. I know my husband talks about sex with his best guy friends, but I don’t find myself talking about very often with my good girl friends. I can remember one time! Maybe it’s just different for girls then it is for guys.
See with me I want to talk about our deep connection, our feelings, our vulnerability, and internal orgasm. I think with guys it’s more about “getting laid”!
Ignoring all that, I am here today to talk about sex, what I’ve learned in the last year, and how it’s all benefitted me in my marriage (and maybe it all will inspire you)!
Sex – We all love it (maybe except male mantis’), but what many of us want to know is how do we really experience all that sex has to offer? What is healthy sex?
Well I firmly believe sex should be had with a person you love, someone you trust, and someone you can share all of your insecurities with, and this person respects you, your needs, and loves you back. Over the last year I’ve learned that sex isn’t just about getting horny, and having an orgasm as fast as you can, rolling over and going to bed. It’s about feeling the other person’s love. It’s about being totally vulnerable and open. It’s about feeling their soul and being in the moment. It’s about being connected, moving together, and building that sexual feeling together, for as long as possible before coming.
For me. Feeling raw, open, and vulnerable wasn’t easy. I was a bit insecure and didn’t know how to open up completely. The book Orgasm Unleashed by Eyal Matsliah helped me do that. He said that it’s necessary for a woman to feel comfortable giving themselves love, through touch and self-love massage. A woman needs to know herself intimately IF she wants to be comfortable allowing her lover to know her intimately as well. He also goes on to talk about all the different types of orgasms and says that clitoral orgasms, which are external orgasms, release vital life force energy that we need to keep, and that internal (g-spot) orgasms are much better for a woman’s health! So, when a woman goes to give herself love and get to know herself intimately, she can become aroused with the touch of clitoral stimulation but never orgasm that way, only through internal g-spot orgasm. The book goes into further detail on how to successfully do it on your own. He also shows diagrams and pictures. Eyal says it takes time for a couple to get the hang of practicing internal orgasms and that a woman has to feel 100% open and comfortable to achieve them. Practice is the key.
Getting to know myself on a deeper level has really been the icing on the cake. Mentally, I am so much more present in our sex life and it’s only getting better. My #1 recommendation to all women – to give themselves a meaningful self-love massage each day, with virgin coconut oil, cold pressed olive oil, or sesame oil (add essential oils for a nice smell – like lavender). Gently massage each part of your body for 5 seconds and tell your body “I love you ____ (feet). I love you because _______ (I walk on you each day and you hold my weight through any workout)” and carry on to each part of the body. EACH PART! Then shower after! You can also leave it on and let it soak in if you wish.
A quickie vs. meaningful sex. I think both are beneficial, fun, and exciting! “The kids are busy! Wanna get it on?” Sadly, during a quickie, usually the man orgasms and the woman doesn’t (well in my experience). If the woman is okay with this then a quickie is great but sometimes (most of the time) we want a deeper connection than that, and that takes time. A healthy sex life requires time and commitment. This should be discussed at some point in a relationship. What time is best for you guys? Morning, afternoon, or night? Don’t say that time will be each evening and then have it turn into your lazy, “I’m too tired”, TV time. Your commitment to your sex life will be the glue that binds your marriage! If you’re not having sex, something’s wrong!
But hey! There are those times when something is wrong and we literally aren’t having sex. Arguments, too busy, during that time of the month, after giving birth, and I’m sure if you suffer from certain illnesses, diseases, and so on you wouldn’t be sleeping together as much either.
Our favourite method is the condom + pull out method, which we believe all parents should teach both teenage sons and daughters. Not only is it safe, but it also isn’t harming the female body like other forms of contraceptives do. Listen to this podcast here – The Pill, Periods, and Fertility with Dr. Nat Kringroudis
Teaching our kids about sex has been easy because we have talked about it with them since they were young (around 7), and only age appropriate things. And as they age we will tell them more about our views and our methods. Parents should feel comfortable talking to their kids about sex. Sex is the most natural thing!
My husband and I had mad baby fever early on in March of 2017. We talked about it and decided that if God gave us another baby then great! But if it wasn’t meant to be, that we would be grateful for our family of 5 and would just let it go. I had been researching the female body and was working on hard on healing my period and balancing my female energy now for almost 6 months. We decided to try in June of 2017, and first time was a success; something we were not expecting because it took us 9 months to conceive with our 4 year old. I totally believe it happened so fast because of all the work I had done prior, major self-love, self-growth, self-acceptance, and balancing my hormones. Before I got pregnant my period flow was regular. I knew the exact date I was going to get it, how long I would have it for, and I didn’t get cramps, and my flow was always normal with no clots. I could see for my own eyes that my body was on track.
I was 3 months pregnant when Tod and I were talking about babies, and how much their health and immune system benefits from a natural vaginal birth. How when the baby goes through the birth canal they receive a mouthful, and full body lather, of vaginal fluid, full of good bacteria that goes into their body and literally finishes off the development of their immune system! So if vaginal fluid is so amazingly healthy for a baby, is it just as healthy for our lovers as well? I did a bit of research online and found that vaginal fluid is full of lactobacillus – the great probiotic found in yogurt. I told my husband, as a joke, the next time I go to a healthy talk and the speaker says, “Eat fermented foods like yogurt…” I’ll say, “Or just go down on your lover!”
Then we brought up the topic of sperm and wondered what health benefits it contained, and sure enough, online I found tons of information basically saying that sperm is the healthiest substance EVER! Saying it is an anti-depressant, an anti-anxiety, contains anti-oxidants and combats oxidative stress, an anti-inflammatory, and contains A LOT of healthy hormones, including testosterone, progesterone, follicle-stimulating hormone, TRH (an anti-inflammatory and mood enhancer), it contains nerve growth factors that enhance your cognitive brain function, it can keep infections at bay, it can increase your lifespan, prevents cancer, prevents hair loss, increases sex drive, prevents preeclampsia, increases fertility, and is loaded with nutrients! BAM!
For me, and many other woman, to feel open I need to be able to be comfortable with my “flaws” or insecurities. We need to understand that everyone has them and not to be ashamed of them, but to show them to our partners and to not hide ourselves and our parts. I must be able to feel love, trust, and a connection for me to reach that open space where I feel totally connected with my husband. This feeling of connection can easily be lost because of my ego playing mind games with me or if I notice my husband’s attention is elsewhere. All of this takes practice. I believe a woman needs to feel these things to have a healthy sex life, so men, try your hardest to get your women there! Tell her you love her and you want to grow old with her. Tell her she is the most beautiful soul on the planet and there is no one else that you’ll ever need or want. Be present, give her your time, and most of all show her your deepest love.
3 great books I recommend if you want to take your relationship to the next level:
Orgasm Unleashed by Eyal Matsliah
Dear Lover by David Deida
The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida